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I. what i watched on my christmas vacation: one-line movie reviews

Dark Knight Rises: That kid from 3rd Rock sure turned out well.
The Bourne Legacy: Say no to drugs.
Skyfall: James Bond + Home Alone
Jiro Dreams of Sushi: Eldest kids get the shaft.
Lawless: Mennonite girls shouldn't date boys with a still.
Premium Rush: This entire movie could have been prevented had one character had cab fare and initiative. (PS: Get a real job, hippies!)
Les Miserables: Protests never work.
Life of Pi: Okay, so you have a tiger and an orangutan and a zebra and a wildebeest, and you need to get them all across the Pacific; who goes in the lifeboat first?
This Means War: The CIA is overfunded.
Taken 2: I can't believe I spent a week in Istanbul and didn't get to run across a single rooftop.
The Wedding Singer: I think I used to like this movie, but the plane landed before I could remember.

II. what i read on my christmas vacation: one-line book reviews

Bride of New France: Promiscuity doesn't pay.
Sussex Drive: As sands through the hourglass, these are the Days Of Our Canadian Lives.
Slaughterhouse-Five: Vonnegut will always be more clever than you, and he'd be happy to remind you of same.

III. math i did on my christmas vacation

46 lb suitcase on arrival - presents distributed + presents received + clothes purchased + giant tin of Christmas baking + stuff delivered from Anthropologie + 5 lbs of frozen sausage = 53 lbs

53 lb suitcase - giant tin of Christmas baking - stuff delivered from Anthropologie = 49.5 lbs

(Stuff removed; sausage retained. I can always get more stuff, but I can't get more sausage.)

IV. what i thought on my christmas vacation

I'm cold.
I'm so cold.
I feel like chips.
Oh god, it's cold.
I shouldn't have eaten so many chips.
Why is it so COLD?
Tu me manques.

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